I cant live with myself getting rejected again.. so I am so scared because I havent been this honest with many. Now you are leaving me too eventually. That made my heart break. So i wanted to say a goodbye while i had a chance. So i could heal and look you in the eyes again as the close friends we are. Im feeling so dark right now. Because i needed you. Even though you maybe didnt need me. God maybe have forsaken me as the priest said. But I still love you and others.
I have been so close to order a medical suicide.. I really want to. I felt it a long time, its like an addiction.. a way out.. from this body.